Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Randomize
