So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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