Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
