he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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