She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I am one with the molecules
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
