Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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