STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
