After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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