the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Someone signed my nipple.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
