THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
we're so committed to being not committed
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
