So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
