I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
