Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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