ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
