I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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