Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
