Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
