Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
