Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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