Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
