Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
