Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
