i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just googled if crying burns calories
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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