Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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