He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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