omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
