Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
