somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
