I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There r osticjed everywhere
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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