I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
