His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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