I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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