Banned from zoo.
Again?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
