goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
