i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
