we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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