I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
