Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
