That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
