Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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