I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
