she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
