Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
