I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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