Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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