I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
