The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
