There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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