I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
