She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
