threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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