So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
